Statistics prove that women lavish compliments at 39x the rate that men do and receive 139x more. (All statistics and wisdom are the writer’s own). However, we women have no idea what to do with a compliment once it lands on us. These elegantly curated techniques (also the writer’s own) may help. And please don’t thank me – I won’t know how to take that.
The boomerang: Protest vehemently and fling that compliment right back at the giver who dared say something nice about you. “You think I have nice hair? What’s wrong with you? It’s just the opposite. It’s wiry as a bottle brush and I’m balding quicker than the Brazilian rainforest.” Most conversations will then turn to helpful hairfall home remedies from onions to raw eggs. Beautiful! Back on safe (though smelly) ground.
The electric drill: This move is so simple, it’s genius. To drill the most resolute compliment-giver’s patience down, respond to any compliment with a “No! Really?”
“How well you speak!”
“No. Really?”
“Of course. Such a clear mind.”
“No. Really?”
“Erm, yes, a really…”
“No. Really?”
Very quickly, the compliment-giver will dry up and remember they’re supposed to urgently pick up a cauliflower for dinner or get a tooth extracted.
“Got to run now, so nice talking to you.”
“No. Really?”
The checkmate: Compliments, of course, as the paranoid know, are secret attacks. How often has someone said, “How young you look”? See that? Devious! Are they suggesting you are as preserved as pickle? When you’re old as a fossil? Strike back. “You look even younger. You could even pass off as my mother. Is that your real hair?” Ha! It will be some time before they dare compliment you again.
The sanitizer: This move keeps away 99.99% of compliments that dare sneak in. It takes suspicion to a whole new level. However the compliment is disguised, this technique will stop it dead. As soon as the attack starts with a ‘Wow!’, chop it off. Don’t wait to hear if they’re wowing your shoes or your smile. “Nothing wow about it. You always exaggerate.” Now they’re shamed into silence. Well played, you!
The defence lawyer: If you’ve watched enough courtroom drama, you’ll know this one. You have to cast reasonable doubt. Most of us women are experts at this already. If someone likes your earrings, instantly shrug it off, “Oh please! Cheap stuff from the pavement.” If someone says you’ve lost weight, muddy the waters at once. “You should see my thighs.” (Disclaimer: Only to those in no position to see it). Or “You need new spectacles.”
Disappointingly, there are the insufferable few who can actually take a compliment gracefully and even suggest you do the same. There’s only one thing to say to these saints – okay, two: “No. Really?”
Where Jane De Suza, the author of ‘Happily Never After’, talks about the week’s quirks, quacks and hacks
