Let’s Talk Sex | Understanding Delayed Ejaculation: Why You Can’t Reach Orgasm When You Want

Sex may permeate our popular culture, but conversations about it are still associated with stigma and shame in Indian households. As a result, most individuals dealing with sexual health issues or trying to find information about sex often resort to unverified online sources or follow the unscientific advice of their friends.

To address the widespread misinformation about sex, News18.com is running this weekly sex column, titled ‘Let’s Talk Sex’. We hope to initiate conversations about sex through this column and address sexual health issues with scientific insight and nuance.

In this article, we will discuss what delayed ejaculation is and how you can overcome it.

Have you ever experienced an inability to reach orgasm when you wanted? Perhaps it takes you far longer than expected, or not at all. If so, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Delayed ejaculation is a common condition that affects many men.

What Is Delayed Ejaculation?

Delayed Ejaculation (DE) is a common sexual dysfunction that can be incredibly frustrating, especially since it can happen with any type of stimulation, from intercourse to oral sex, masturbation and even fantasies. This means that it can impact your ability to enjoy pleasure with a partner or alone. DE is distinguished from an inability to ejaculate by the cause which is often psychological in nature. People with DE may have difficulty becoming aroused or staying aroused and may find it difficult to reach orgasm. In some cases, sexual stimulation may not happen at all, leading to frustration and low self-esteem. Even if they do manage to ejaculate, the amount of time it takes them can be much longer than usual, leading to further distress.

Common Causes of Delayed Ejaculation

When it comes to delayed ejaculation, there can be many potential causes. Here’s a quick look at some of the common culprits:

• Emotional Stress: Mental or emotional stress can inhibit your ability to reach orgasm, as your brain is hardwired to prioritize primary survival needs over sexual pleasure.
• Physical Conditions: Certain medical conditions, such as diabetes, prostate problems, and nerve damage from surgery or injury can interfere with ejaculation.
• Medication Side Effects: Different kinds of medication—including antidepressants and some blood pressure meds—can interfere with ejaculation by interfering with arousal signals in the brain and impacting the chemistry of our hormones.
• Other Factors: Other elements like certain relationship dynamics and lifestyle choices (like substance use) can also lead to delayed ejaculation.
  It’s important to note, however, that sometimes no identifiable cause can be found for delayed or inhibited orgasm, particularly in cases of lifelong anorgasmia (where an individual has never had an orgasm).

Exercises and Techniques

If you want to find your own way of releasing any kind of tension or anxiety that could be contributing to delayed ejaculation, there are exercises and techniques you can try. Many men find them beneficial, especially if they combine physical sensations with mental focus.

• Diet and Exercise: Making sure your body is healthy is key to overcoming delayed ejaculation. Eat a balanced diet and get the right amount of exercise. Exercise helps to prevent physical problems that could be affecting your ability to reach orgasm and also helps to release feel-good hormones like endorphins, which can help reduce stress levels.
• Breathing Exercises: One of the most helpful techniques for managing delayed ejaculation is focused breathing, a form of mindfulness meditation that can help you to stay in control. Start by sitting in a comfortable position and then becoming aware of your breath as it flows in and out. As thoughts come into your mind, bring yourself back to focusing on your breath.
• Sensual Exploration: The more familiar you get with the sensations leading up to and during sex, the more chances you have at achieving orgasm during sexual activity. Learning something new also helps to keep things interesting. Try experimenting with different strokes and touching without penetration until you’re able to identify what works best for you on a physical level, which can help reduce anxiety and increase arousal when sex is involved.
• Stress Reduction: Stress is one of the biggest problems when it comes to delayed ejaculation. Try meditating or doing yoga, or just spend 5 minutes a day on deep-breathing exercises to help reduce stress levels and get your body back in balance.
• Pelvic Floor Exercises: Often, delayed ejaculation can be caused by a weak pelvic floor, so it’s worth taking a look at the strength of this area before seeking medical advice. Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles can have an impact on orgasm timing, so try performing Kegel exercises for a few minutes each day – you’ll be surprised by the results!
• Sexual Reorientation Therapies: Sex therapy sessions focus on retraining the body and mind in order to re-establish intimacy with one’s partner, as well as working through any underlying emotional issues that may be causing difficulty.

Seeking Professional Help

It’s understandable if you feel embarrassed or unsure about seeking help but there is no need to worry. Many people experience difficulty with delayed ejaculation and there are qualified professionals with years of experience in helping people cope with this issue.

Most professionals approach the problem from a few different angles:

• Physically, they may ask questions about past injuries or surgeries, medications, hormones and diet.
• Mentally, they will work to understand how childhood experiences, relationship dynamics and feelings of guilt may be causing an emotional block.
• Behaviourally, they will look at your current behaviours such as masturbation and sexual activities to gain insight into what is happening in the bedroom.

By taking a holistic approach to addressing delayed ejaculation, experienced healthcare professionals can help identify the cause of your difficulty achieving orgasm and find the best plan for treating it.

In conclusion, having delayed ejaculation isn’t something to be ashamed of, and it’s not something you should try to solve on your own. Talking to your doctor or a therapist can help you untangle the possible causes, and learn how to manage your issues in an effective and safe way.

Prof (Dr) Saransh Jain is the winner of the Swasth Bharat Rattan Award and is a Certified and Licensed Sexologist by the American Board of Sexology. He is currently a Senior Consultant at Dr SK Jain’s Burlington Clinic in Lucknow. The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not represent the stand of this publication.