It is an extremely rare situation in a relationship when a couple doesn’t hit a few or more rough patches. Partners have to solve these rough patches with a lot of sensitivity and maturity. Sometimes these situations are not dealt with care and people blurt out things that are not to be said in the spur of the moment.
Before speaking anything to a partner in case of a disagreement, people need to ask some pertinent questions of themselves. According to the counsellor and psychologist Lucille Shackleton, these are the questions people need to be answered before responding to partners.
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Q1. What is this feeling? What emotion is it connected to?
There are times when we are saying something extremely harsh to our partners. While saying these bitter words, there must be something which prompts us to speak like that. There can be an emotion of insecurity inside us for our partners which causes us to behave rudely.
Q.2- Where is this feeling coming from or what has triggered it?
Identify the trigger points which spark these feelings. It could be anything, ranging from not being able to solve conflicts, behavioural problems etc. Once identified, gradually try to come over these issues.
Q.3- How do I usually respond while feeling this?
Try to identify your reactions to this kind of situation. If you behave aggressively in a situation, try to replace it with a calm reaction. Sometimes people are dealing with something problematic in their personal lives. Irritated by that incident, they tend to behave aggressively.
Q.4 What will be the outcome of my words?
Before saying anything to your partner, contemplate for a moment. Think about the net result of the words spoken. It would be difficult to analyse this in the heat of the moment. However, thinking about the outcome helps us to prepare a better reply.
People have loved this advice and wrote in the comment section that they will try to follow these tips.
